October 2004
11 posts
know your betters.
A drunk dinner with Nic and my father always goes well. For those who have not had any introduction to my family, this goes beyond serving as any sort of primer.
(… during dinner …)
Jay’s Dad: “I have a low attention span deficit.”
(… talking about Dad’s birthday party a year ago … )
Dad: “Yeah, I had some fun.”
Jay: “Well, I...
September 2004
19 posts
do I get to come in, or do I have to take a shot...
The Committee has deemed that content from other mediums continues to be acceptable. So:
Recent text message exchange with Stephanie S, which started out normal enough.
Jay: There is no coffee in the apartment! My kingdom for a cup of fucking coffee! Ain’t even any emergency blend left!
Steph: Just suck on the old filters!
J: I use a french press. So am I making Used Coffee Ground Soup?...
i am in charge here.
This writer poses the question: “Why record quotes from other people?” Because I know I’m funny. I know it in my cold black heart. And I don’t need any of you fuckers to tell me otherwise!
Look at the size of this Ego, after all.
This writer brings the funny! Look here:
( … Noting that I left my coffee grinder at the cabin … )
Becca: “It’s not...
what movie is this?
Clear Lake 2004
The Swedish took to the roads this weekend. It was driven by this writer to Veronica’s “cabin” / “house thing” / “holder of many nice beds” / “where the fuck did this lake come from and is it safe to swim in and should I just go back inside”.
Your faithful correspondent would love to regale Dear Readers with many tales of...
she's very good...
(… In the midst of our typical talk-way-too-fast-and-no-pause-for-breathing back and forth …)
Jay: “And they look over and I’m just nodding my head ‘no’.”
Erin: “You’re what?”
J: “Nodding my head ‘no’.”
E: “You can do that?”
J: “Nod my head?”
E: “Sure, you can nod your head. But nod...
she will, from time to time...
Mom: “I moved that black sock.”
Jay: “What black sock?”
(Mom points to the handful of black socks that Jay has in his hand.)
Mom: “That black sock.”
Jay: “This bunch of black socks?”
Mom: “There was one on the floor.”
Jay: “And you put it with these.”
Mom: “It was by the bed.”
(Jay considers.)
Mom:...
manic monday.
The output here continues to be a little out of sync with Actual Reality. But entertainment abounds at work, where they have quickly figured How Much Jay Needs Help. From Tuesday:
Jay: “I’m going to the sandwich place. Anybody want anything?”
Mark: “The sandwich place that got you sick?”
Jay: “Yeah…”
Mark: “Why?”
Jay: “Cause...
buy more bullets.
It should go without saying by now that this writer is in possession of A Very Delicate System. It is also not lost on anyone that repeating this several times daily is one of the few ways left that this writer has from Cracking The Fuck Out.
Now, take this, and add to the mix Healthy Obsession That Came Out Of Nowhere #2: notebooks.
We. Love. Notebooks.
We also have way too many. To keep...
this is a two handed sammich.
Chillis 2004 Pics
Teams of paralegals have completed the necessary paperwork. The photographic evidence of Chillits 2004 @ Camp & Sons is ready for your perusal.
Our specialists are working overtime to bring you more nonsense.
jay
who yells,
Verboten!
stressed out ghetto child
at work!
keep out!
we are all characters in a bad teen slasher flick...
After a successful and rejuvenating return to the Quasi Successful Urbanite Metro-sexual existence last weekend, your humble correspondent once again ventured forth to The Savage Land, a.k.a. Nature.
Unlike the attempt of two weeks ago, in which Self’s attempt to really commune with Nature (i.e. go to the river) ended in Self tumbling down the hill and losing someone’s shoe, there...
who watches the watchmen?
Dad: “What are you doing tonight?”
Jay: “Oh, grilling steaks.”
D: “Why, I’ve got steaks! COME ON DOWN!”
J: “Well- I- we already- are you drunk?”
(… pause …)
D: “I’M GOING TO VEGAS!”
J: “Wha- now? Can I come?”
D: “Yeah, we’re going to Vegas! No, not now.”
J: “Who are you going...
when we met first i promised you a secret to keep...
Archived Life Bits for Nic And Jay
And now I present to you some of the more embarrassing shots of us in existence. There are pictures of me sleeping in here.
And, god, the hair. Fucking phone cams.
Enjoy us making fools of ourselves.
jay
who has seen
the word
‘IXAT’
glowing
in the night.
life bit recorder.
jay
who sees now
what remains of
a boy
when our work is done.
time enough for rocking when we're old.
I made a purchase today. I purchased a camera. All the typical symptoms of Jay’s Impulse Control Problem were there. I called people. I rubbed my hands. I paced. I yelled. I thought about buying milk instead.
But everything’s better now. The latter half of this Problem (which could very well be rated as high on the Issue I Could Deal With If I Wanted To Chart as #8) did not happen. I...
i know you tried to change things.
Went to these guys’ talk at Foo Camp. VOTEorNOT.org is from the folks that did hotornot.
It’s simple. You register for it and you win, you get $100,000. So does the person that referred you. You don’t even have to actually vote. Or even be registered to vote.
They’re nuts and we love them for it. Do it.
jay
tits out,
pants down,
overnight to london.
pea soup.
Jay: think I’m getting sick
Matt: ? From?
Jay: the pasta salad
Matt: What pasta salad?
Jay: the one I just threw up on my keyboard
Jay: uh - from the deli
Matt: Wait…you’re kidding, right?
Jay: yes
Jay: for now
Jay: I did throw up over the weekend though
Matt: :(
Jay: I swear, dude, I’m so nauseous
Jay: and they said not to get it
Jay: well, Chris did
Matt: What deli?...
like I just got screwed with my pants on.
(Recent text message exchange.)
Jay: Do you realize it’s almost a year since we broke up? Uh- do I send you a card?
Alissa: Uh- do they have those at Hallmark?
Jay: We should sell them. “From the company who has been there, done that.”
We adore the Alissa, we really really do.
jay
who asks that
you shave the goatee,
detective.
you look like
half a fag.
this is a mugging and you're the gang leader.
Carla at the front desk continues to win every encounter.
(… as Jay is walking past …)
Jay: “I forgot my lunch in my car.”
Carla: “Aww, that’s too bad.”
Jay: “But at least I actually packed a lunch.”
Carla: “I try to do that every day.”
(Jay stops, considers.)
Jay: “I’m not exactly the best at thinking...
sparkman and q-tip.
Evidence: Becca’s Cabin 2004
Your correspondent drifted north west to the home of Club Fab for the weekend.
In a total lack of any sort of Me Dressing Things Up, I had a wonderful time. Good friends, good fun.
Personal Jesus of the Weekend (to the judges’ surprise, despite an engaging performance in Jay’s Own Private Teen Slasher Flick, it was not your humble writer) goes...