August 2004
9 posts
I just protested to you.
At around 4 p.m., a weathered, elderly Texas delegate wearing a gold “W” pin and a cowboy hat walked through Times Square completely unmolested. “I’ve not seen any protests,” he said. “But I just saw a buncha queers trying to have a weddin’.”
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At work, Carla greets me with a very surreal sounding “Good morning Jay. And Welcome To Friday.” The inflection of her voice certainly managed to be somehow Not Okay for such a simple statement.
Carla gives me lots of shit. She’s a nice lady.
Scurvy Ryan basically made the claim that there is a certain segment of the population that can just recognize that they need to...
I represent truth in advertising.
I think I have a tan. It’s frightening. At the very least, my nose has decided that it’s future career path lies in being one of the 99 cent clown nose things. People can see me coming in the night. It lights up. I swear that this is True.
I think I also failed Josh the Birthday Boy and Proud Father.
I walk around my new job knowing I Totally Belong as Fucking Genius Person. I do,...
Somebody's going to emergency, somebody's going to...
The beautiful, lovely, and wildly entertaining Sarah is in the hospital. She had a bad stroke on Friday night and has apparently been having multiple mini-strokes for quite some time. Oh, and she’s twenty three years of age.
Does this seem Inherently Wrong to anyone else?
See- now- as much as I try to hide it, I really don’t want to kill all of my fellow man. I…won’t...
This is not okay.
So, the new job. As part of the paperwork, I must list all prior “inventions” in order to claim them individually from the Company.
The comedic possibilities are endless, here, you know. An early pass:
“The wheel”
“Rick James”
“painting it black”
“Rhode Island”
From Ryan:
“cut bread- no, not SLICED bread, that’s...
Oh, she's very good.
Messing with my poor grandmother on the phone, who is still recovering from pneumonia.
Grandma: “You’re talking too much!”
Jay: “Grandma, you’ve talked too much your entire life. It’s other people’s turn now.”
Grandma: “I’ve got two words for you!”
Jay: “Yeah?”
Grandma: “What are they?”
Jay: “Fuck...
audio: I don't know
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we fucked it up. Something about a playpen. MAybe we WON’T HAVE TO OWRRY ABOUT MOSQUITOS.
I’m sure well, you know I’m not pretty crazy about her either. You want to never see your two grandmothers in the first room? You sow our moms togethers?
I should smear them both with tuna fish. LAugh.
Let me say it right. If you smear our mothers with...
Lovely bits.
Have I mentioned how much I love Harper’s Index?
Chance that a member of New York’s Army National Guard was in Iraq in June: 1 in 4 Chance that a member of Texa’s Army National Guard was: 1 in 31
Axe Dry.
I would give my left nut for a Ritz cracker right now. I am dying for something to put peanut butter on.
Something crunchy.